RAVISHING

As 2013 comes to a close, I first celebrate the extra two hours I've been given by spending the evening on MST rather than on EST. I sit here with this gracious gift of time on my mother's front porch overlooking the park. A couple lays intertwined on the grass. Both dressed in black from head to toe. They switch positions, taking turns spooning the other, never letting go. Maybe it's an art exhibit? Hell, it is Boulder. Nonetheless, watching them moves me to tears.

Love comes in many forms. In 2013, I loved. What else is there? I reflect on the year and have no regrets. It's like a death, I glorify the good in the year and nothing else matters. No thought is wasted.

I took risks in 2013. Even up to these last few days of the year, I had everything I ever wanted. People that came in and out of my life, events that occurred, causes I fought for; I gave myself unselfishly. I utterly loved wholeheartedly.

In the future, if I find myself looking back on 2013 I will only see raw beauty. Like the couple laying in the park, in the coolness of December locked in an embrace. Ravishing.

What's in store for me in 2014? I have no clue, except for the history of my life, tells me it's going to be the best yet. Damn! Why would I allow it to be anything less.

Cheers!

PLEASING

As my kids and I were fitting the last pieces into the puzzle we had been working on for the past couple of days, we got down to the very final three. We all looked around. Where were they? One was in my hand. One was hidden in his hand and one in hers. Laughter erupted as we realized each of us was reserving a piece. We each wanted that sensation of laying the last part of the masterpiece.

It’s the same feeling we get when we are the first to dig into a new jar of peanut butter or the moment your wipers turn on and the snow just falls off, no scraping needed. Or when you plug in the lights on the family’s Christmas tree.

It’s Pleasing.

May the littlest things of life bring you joy 

that when big things happen 

you appreciate the world we live in

instead of blaming it.

PLAYLIST

My friend and I were driving to Atlantic City for the weekend and she had her iPod hooked up to the car speakers so we could listen to music all the way down. As each song played she’d say, “Oh, this is my favorite song.” or “Oh, I love this song!” After several tracks I finally said, “Of course you love every song, they’re your favorites! It’s YOUR playlist!” We both busted out laughing.

The playlists we put together bring us joy, even comfort. They alter our mood. I love that about music. It can get our adrenaline flowing so we can rock that elliptical.  Relax us so we can fall asleep. It can get us in the mood; to clean the house, for romance or to dance around the kitchen like a badass bitch. Whatever the effect our music has on us, we’ve chosen those songs that bring out something in ourselves.

The same goes for our life choices. We had several choices. We choose. There is no reason to feel sorry for you. Forget this “pity, pity me” crap.  If whatever you choose is no longer serving you, swipe and click the delete button. Maybe you downloaded a song because a friend suggested it or you made a life decision based on what you thought society expected of you. Only you know what’s best for you. You have the power to create your life. You deserve only the best life has to offer. Whether it’s a huge life change that needs to be made or if you’re like me and it’s a $1.29 song you just downloaded, but turns out the lyrics don't particularly speak to you, DELETE IT.  You’re in control.

SNOW DAYS

We had our first few days of snow this week. I don’t ski, sled, snowshoe or snowmobile. I dislike scraping off the car windows, pouring washer fluid in my car and driving on icy roads. During these next few months the four happiest people and two of the most delighted dogs will be in all their glory: my family. Their wet and muddy shoes, clothes, and equipment will be thrown all over our home. Their paws will leave marks and their wet fur will stink. Our checking account balance will decrease as we purchase all that is needed for them to enjoy the snowy months to the fullest. Our getaways won’t be to sunny beaches but just the opposite, to ski resorts. To top it off, the days will be shorter and the sun will hide in the cloudy cold skies.

 

I will have no other choice but to make the best of it. So I will. I will drink an extra cup of joe while staring out into the snow globe. I will scrape my windows and fill my washer fluid. ‘I am woman. Hear me roar!’ I will enjoy my time home alone every weekend while my family hits the slopes. I will deep clean my house in a way I cannot do while the kids are at home. I will read, read and read some more as I sit in the lodge every Monday while the kids enjoy time with their friends. I won’t even miss not having access to the Internet there, I will write with pen or pencil. I will light candles. I will soak in my hot bubbly whirlpool. I will find the good in the dead of winter. For I know, the snow will eventually melt into spring.

VISION

Every year around this time I start repeating myself to my kids; "Go upstairs, take a garbage bag, and give what you don't play with anymore to make room for what Santa may bring you." So Friday we spent some time doing just that. I was able to fill two bags of clothes I no longer wear. Actually, I was motivated because I just scored six new dresses and did some early “Christmas shopping” for myself at Victoria’s Secret the day before, so I needed to make room myself. 

Saturday night my husband and I were on a date and we were having our typical date night conversation regarding our 5-yr plan, where/when/if we are going to move, where we want to retire, where we want to travel next.

I can't remember what was said right before this, but my husband asked me, "Sarah are you happy?" 

This too is a conversation starter that we have had on more than one occasion. What is it about me that gives-off the impression I’m not happy? When I reflect on my life I truly want for nothing. I see myself as very fortunate. Happy.

A few years ago my mother was visiting us and my husband who is very affectionate pulled me over for a hug while I was trying to get dinner on the table. I gave him a half-hearted hug and then went on to finish the chore. My husband turned to my mom and joked, “Your daughter isn’t very mushy.” My mom responded, “As a baby Sarah never needed much attention, hugs or kisses. She was always just happy wherever she was with a smile on her face.” This observation about my being was a true “Aha!” moment. She got me. Ultimately my husband does get me too, and more than that, he appreciates my “lets create the life we want, who’s to say we can’t have it all” attitude. It challenges him; the limitations people tend to set for themselves. I am happy where my life is right at this moment.

So why am I always wanting to change things up? Because I can! Why not? If we only live once and we can create our own lives then why are so many people remaining stagnate? Create a vision board today! Put on that board everything you ever wanted. Add to it as your dreams develop. The possibilities of what can be achieved are endless. We live in a world full of abundance, take advantage. Wanting to play the game of life doesn’t mean you’re not happy. It means you are savvy enough to see that there is plenty to go around, so why not take your share.

REUNION

As I was perusing the photos on Facebook from my 20^th reunion, which I couldn’t attend, I read this beautiful comment posted by a fellow classmate.

Tonight I attended my 20-year high school reunion. I walked away with many aha moments. Tonight I was able to affirm what I know to be true. People have an innate goodness within them. Humans want to connect and feel loved and valued. As you age, you are able to see into each other's souls. When you reconnect as adults, the pettiness and judgments are gone. Instead, you share the trials and successes. You SEE each other for the first time as REAL people with feelings and dreams. The only thing that matters is the journey that you all took together and that is worth celebrating. I wonder what high school would have been like if I had known that then...what if we all saw each other's hearts? What would that world look like? I think it would be pretty blissful!

 ~Natalie McGovern

I had to grab my yearbook just now to help me remember who Natalie is. We never hung-out and I’m wondering now if we even liked each other in high school. All telling from her comment, by the way she talks, I bet we’d be good friends if our paths crossed today.

Reunions use to be unique in the fact that there was a night every 5-10 years; you could revisit your past. With Facebook now, revisiting your past is as easy as sending a friend request. All the unknowns from the past could come to light if we so dared asked the questions: Why weren’t we friends? Why did we ever break-up? Why did you do this or that?

The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion ~Albert Einstein

I believe all those “aha moments” are fuel for our soul. I assume Natalie’s present day was not altered by all the “aha moments” she experienced at the reunion. Clearly by her words she just found peace in the resolve.

If we knew then what we know now, obviously we wouldn’t be who we are today. Revisiting the past doesn’t change our lives, but seeing things in hindsight can bring us peace.

I tend to believe that most things are best left in the past, but if there is an unanswered question that is keeping you from moving on; SEEK THE ANSWER. We are only whole when all the pieces are put together.

Once I knew only darkness and stillness…my life was without past or future…but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living. ~Helen Keller

THE PINK LIGHT

In 2000, after a relationship I was in ended. I met my ex for brunch. As he was telling me about his new girlfriend my young self meekly asked, “What does she have that I don’t?” His reply was, “She has her degree.”  

That comment stuck with me for sometime, until I was on a date with someone new. I found myself insecure that night. I could tell my date was into me, but I couldn’t figure out why. He was working on his second masters’ degree and I still held just two associates degrees. I said to him, “Doesn’t it bother you that I’m less educated than you are?” His reply was, “No. I’ve just sat at a desk more hours than you have.” Wow.

I learned from those encounters and eventually acquired a few “tricks” on the way. In 2003, I found myself going into a second interview. I left the first interview feeling a bit intimidated by the size and demeanor of the man that would be my future boss. I practiced color psychology on him, going into that second interview. I pictured myself surrounded in the white light of protection. I pictured him surrounded in pink light. Pink has a calming effect and picturing people in a pink light helps one relax. When I arrived at the interview, I realized the power we each have in steering our own feelings in a positive direction. I walked into his office and guess what this 300+lb. man was wearing? A pink shirt! The interview went great and I was hired.

It’s funny what we take in and let change us. Our experiences and interactions with others do make us who we are today, but we can choose which ones to own and which ones to release. These experiences I had shaped me into the person I am today, one that sees all people, no matter their backgrounds, as equal.  

I’m no longer easily intimidated. People are people, not their titles or “image.” I’ve been in large rooms full of powerful politicians and decision makers. I’ve been on stage with famous authors and celebrities. In these rooms when the excitement of a person’s presence fills others with feelings of awe and admiration, that inevitably turns the perspective of themselves, into feelings of insecurity and unworthiness, I feel empowered.

There’s never a reason to feel less than. When you find yourself feeling this way, try color psychology. When you’re in that room and feeling impressed by one of the other guests, make your way over and spark up a conversation. Who knows what you’ll learn and how you will evolve from that interaction. After all, we’re all equals.